


I didn’t know (I loved you)

by MinDaehwi



Category: MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Alpaca, Angst, Boys In Love, Dongpaca, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, True Love, dongdong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 11:50:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinDaehwi/pseuds/MinDaehwi
Summary: Youngmin and Donghyun have always been friends. Always. Until Youngmin wasn’t sure they were just friends anymore.





	I didn’t know (I loved you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey hey,  
> I’m back with a Dongpaca one shot haha. I had like NO wifi for DAYS so I wrote it. i hope you’ll like it.

_Youngmin POV_

  Today was a recording day, Youngmin and Donghyun had to leave their dorm early.

"Come on Donghyun, get up !"

  
  No sounds came from the bed, letting Youngmin know that Donghyun didn’t even move.

  
"It’s recording day so get up before I drag you out of there"

  
Once again, Donghyun didn’t move.

  
"This kid, really" Youngmin sighed.

  He walked into the room, discovering a half-sleeping Donghyun still lying in his bed. Yougmin dragged the sheets away, making Donghyun curl up on himself.

  
"Now take a shower, get some decent clothes on and eat a bit, we’re leaving in half-an-hour"

  
  Donghyun looked up at him, dragging the sheets back up on him.

  
"Just five more minutes hyung, please"

  
  Youngmin grabbed an outfit for Donghyun and left it in the bathroom, going back to Donghyun’s bed.  
He gently grabbed Donghyun’s arm and dragged him up, making sure not to hurt him, and took him to the bathroom.

  
"Get ready and come eat. Don’t fall asleep under the shower or I’ll let you drown"

  
Donghyun laughed, a sleepy laugh.

  
"So rude, hyung"  
  
 Fifteen minutes later,Donghyun got out of the bathroom all dressed up.  
Donghyun’s scent was floating around the room now : a mix of his cologne and soap and cotton that Youngmin liked a lot.

  
"Thank you for picking this amazing outfit" Donghyun said, laughing while showing Youngmin the socks he had picked.

  
"Who even buys socks with alpaca prints on it ? Youngmin laughed, I’ll just pick another pair for you. Go eat a bit, we leave in ten minutes"

  
"I bought them because they reminded me of you"

  
 Yougmin lightly hit Donghyun on the back of his head before hurrying him to the kitchen.

 After Donghyun had finally picked his shoes, they ran to the car that was waiting for them.

  
"The producer is going to kill you" their driver for today and friend Woojin said.

  
"Right ? Youngmin replied, guess who was too lazy to get up ?"

  
 Woojin laughed while Donghyun hit Youngmin on the thigh, making Youngmin also laugh at Donghyun’s due-to-lack-of-sleep weakness.

 After about ten minutes into the ride Donghyun laid his head on Youngmin’s shoulder.

"Are you tired already ?"

 Donghyun was the kind of boy that still had his teen habits, the kind of boy who slept until late, who ate as if it was their last meal before the end of the world and who was kind of stubborn.

"I am. Whose fault do you think it is ?"

 Youngmin laughed in disbelief. This boy really was something.  
Instead of shooting back a sarcastic answer, he decided to stay mute.

"Yah, what now ? Donghyun said, his head still on Youngmin’s shoulder, Why aren’t you scolding me or anything ?"  
  
"The producer will do it for me when we’ll arrive late"  
  
 Donghyun hummed, closing his eyes once again and falling asleep on Yougmin’s shoulder.

 

-

_Donghyun POV_

"We’re here Donghyun, wake up"

  
Donghyun opened his eyes, finding himself sleeping on Youngmin’s lap.

  
"We need to go Donghyun, hurry"

  
 Donghyun got out of the car, hurried by Youngmin to the recording room.  
As soon as they opened the room’s door, he felt Yougmin’s hand on his back ordering him to bow in apology and a glance telling him to just shut up and apologize.

"Well well boys, you’re late again"

 Donghyun decided to let Youngmin talk, feeling like he’d be killed if he said something.

"We’re sorry. I promise this is the last time."

  
"No worries, it’s not a big deal, the producer said, patting their backs, let’s begin"

Both of them nodded, heading to the isolating room.

"So guys, today’s recording is the song "Gone Cold" so please sing it with a lot of emotions. You know which parts are yours right ?"

They agreed, watching a satisfied look appear on the producer’s face.

"Good"

The music started, taking both of the boys in another world.

-

"Can I ask you something, if that’s not too private ?" the producer asked once they were done.  
Donghyun and Youngmin raised a brow in interrogation,wondering what it was he had to ask that could be private.

"Are you guys dating or something ?"

A surprised look appeared on both of their faces. Donghyun even blushed at the question. However, both of them denied the fact.

"Just asking, you seemed pretty close"

Youngmin denied the fact once again, before bowing and leaving followed by Donghyun.  
  
"What a weird question, Donghyun laughed, we aren’t even that close"

"Yeah"

Youngmin seemed elsewhere, looking outside the window. Donghyun guessed that he was just tired.

"Let’s get home and sleep hyung, I’m tired"

 -

_Youngmin POV_

Donghyun had fallen fast asleep as soon as his head had hit his bed’s pilow.  
  
Youngmin couldn’t.

He sat down on the balcony, watching the living city he was living in. But his thoughts couldn’t concentrate on the city’s lights and movements. All he could think about was what their producer had said. Were Donghyun and him so close that people doubted their friendship ?

 _"Perhaps we’re not just friends_ "

Youngmin couldn’t bare thinking about it that way. They were friend since childhood, how could they be more than that ?

Tired of thinking about it, Youngmin decided to prepare for bed.  
As he was washing his face, Donghyun, who had woken up came in to "brush his toothies" he said. Youngmin wasn’t in the mood to laugh, but Donghyun’s sleepy face and words made him smile anyway.

-

_Donghyun POV_

  Donghyun noticed something was wrong this morning when Youngmin didn’t come to wake him up like he did every day.  
He found Youngmin busy preparing food for both of them. But he wasn’t listening to music like he always did. He was dressed already. Youngmin never gets dressed immediately after waking up.

"Are you going somewhere hyung ?"

"Nope. We have the music video filming later today"

Donghyun nodded his head as a "ok".

"Do you need help, hyung ?"

"It’s okay. I’m done cooking anyways, just take a seat"

Donghyun lazily walked up to Youngmin, taking one of the plates from his hands and bringing it to the table.  
When they comfortably were sitting down, Donghyun started talking about the mv shooting.

"What’s the concept again ?"

"I don’t really know how to describe it. We’re gonna wear leather jackets and that kind of things"

"You’re gonna look sexy as fuck with that jacket" Donghyun laughed

Youngmin smiling made Donghyun’s heart warm knowing that he finally drew a smille on Youngmin’s face

"Shut up"

-

"Why do we always have to travel so far away for shootings ?" Donghyun complained after sitting in the car for about half an hour.

"Three hours and a half to go, kiddo", their manager said.

Youngmin was already sleeping. Donghyun suddenly remembered how late his friend went to bed yesterday, and what dumb thing aboug brushing his teeth he had told Youngmin.  
Donghyun laid his head on his friend’s lap, falling deeply asleep as he closed his eyes.

-

_Youngmin POV_

  Donghyun was lying on his lap when Youngmin woke up.  
As they had arrived, Youngmin carefully moved his dongsaeng’s head off his lap and got up to see if he could bring some help to his manager.  
  
The place where they were filming was an abandoned factory built on a cliff. From the edge of it, he could watch the waves crash on the surface.  
It looked like anything could happen at this place. It wouldn’t surprise him if a fairy named Sungwoon arrived flying towards him.  
He just stood there for a while, watching the mesmerizing view, before his manager called him out.

"Please wake Donghyun up"

"Sure"

Waking Donghyun had always been Youngmin’s duty, but today wasn’t the good day. He’d been trying to avoid him and being cold to him since this morning. He needed time to think, and sticking around whith him clearly wasn’t the righg thing to do. It would only confuse him even more. Sure, Donghyun said some things that were so funny that he couldn’t avoid. But Youngmin did his best to avoid the boy.

"Donghyun, wake up"

Domghyun hummed.

"Please. The make-up artists and stylist needs us"

"Are they gonna give you that leather jacket, Youngminie ?"

"Not if you don’t wake up. And stop calling me like that"

Donghyun smiled, his eyes still closed.

"Coming"

Youngmin left, going straight to the stylist. She gave him a pair of black jeans and shoes, with a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. After putting them on, he went to get his make-up done.

A few minutes later, Donghyun arrived wearing an all black outfit. The black leather jacket he wore was slightly different from Youngmin’s and the black turtle neck he was wearing made him look classy.

"Close your mouth, hyung. You’re drooling"

Youngmin blushed and turned away.

Youngmin had never noticed what effect Donghyun had on him. He had never noticed how he constantly was staring at the younger one, how he always was looking after him, how he always was making sure he was okay.  
  
"Nah, brothers are like that too" Youngmin mumbled to himself.

-

_Donghyun pov_

Youngmin looked manly with this outfit. Donghyun didn’t even recognize his cute, childish hyung anymore. But he liked the way Youngmin looked older and more mature. It made him feel like the music video would turn out even better as usual.

They had started shooting it as soon as the make up artists were done. It had been five hours already, but they also had the concept photos so shoot right after.

Youngmin was impossible to find whenever they had some breaks during the music video shooting. The younger boy had been looking for him all the time.  
He wondered what was happening to Youngmin. His hyung didn’t usually disappear during breaks. They usually would stay by each-other’s side talking about how well they did and what could have been better, also checking up on each-other, making sure they drank enough and took enough rest during their rare breaks.

Donghyun decided that he wouldn’t let him flee after the concept photo shooting, since he needed to know what was wrong with his friend.

Youngmin reappeared as soon as the photo shooting began. The first ones were individuals, Youngmin was first to go so Donghyun stayed there, watching his friend taking poses.  
Youngmin was the shy and non-confident type of guy, he always was asking the younger advices, doing his best to satisfy the fans as well as himself.  
But today, Youngmin wasn’t coming any near Donghyun, it looked almost like he was avoiding him.

"Your turn Donghyun" the manager called him after a while.

Donghyun had looked away for about three seconds, yet Youngmin had managed to disappear.

"Isn’t he staying to cheer on me ?" Donghyun asked himself.

 _Weird_.

However, Donghyun did his job and managed to satisfy the photograph. He got a lot of compliments, but the only person’s compliments he caref about were Youngmin’s. He still wasn’t there to tell him he did a good job. He didn’t appear at all during Donghyun’s shooting.

"Take a break Donghyun, we’ll start the couple shooting when you’re ready" the manager told him.

"I don’t beed a break. Let’s finish all of this off"

Donghyun need to see Youngmin. He needed to know what was wrong and why he was acting like that, practically avoiding him.

Youngmin arrived a minute later, looking tired, as if he hadn’t slept for days.  
Donghyun didn’t have time to ask, the manager pushed them both under the lights and the camera’s pressure.

Donghyun tried to get Youngmin to hold him and pull him close. However, he didn’t manage to. Youngmin seemed to reject him and keep a distance between both of them. He kept that attittude during the whole shooting, trying to look close in front of the camera while keeping that distance between them.  
He didn’t talk. At all. It wasn’t in Youngmin’s habits either. He was a talkative and happy guy, always lauging and making jokes about anything. He used to be comfortable near Donghyun. They used to be together all the time, without any awkward distance between them.

 _They used to be close friends_.

-

"What’s wrong, hyung ? You’ve been acting weird all day"

Youngmin shot him a poor smile.

"It’s nothing Donghyun, don’t worry"

Donghyun approached, attempting to hug his hyung, who softly rejected him.

"I guess I just need some time to think about things"

Donghyun’s pride was hurt. Donghyun’s feelings were hurt. It had never happened. Youngmin had never rejected him.  
He couldn’t believe that the person he cared the most about had just rejected him. Tears were coming up to his eyes, but he drew them back and took a deep breath.

"Some time, _huh_ ? Okay"

And he went to the car, leaving Youngmin the space he wanted.

-

_Youngmin pov_

Maybe he went a little to hard with his words. Youngmin knew he had hurt Donghyun’s feelings, and pride. From the way Donghyun had talked to him before leaving, he knew he had hurt him really bad.

 _And it hurt him too_.

Youngmin got up, joining the car. Donghyun was sitting in it, face looking outside, not even turning around when Youngmin opened the door.  
The car took off, taking them home. It was past midnight, they had worked hard all day, and Youngmin felt like he’d collapse if he didn’t sleep right now. However, he felt so guilty that he couldn’t. Donghyun wasn’t sleeping either. Yet.  
About fifteen minutes later, he was fast asleep, his head against the uncomfortable window. Youngmin carefully unbuckled the boy’s security belt and made him lie down, his head on his lap. He gently stroke Donghyun’s hair, looking at the younger’s face, deeply asleep.

 _"I’m sorry_ "

-

_Donghyun pov_

Donghyun was woken up by the driver. Youngmin had already left, leaving the boy behind. However, Donghyun noticed that his seatbelt wasn’t fasten, and that he was lying on the seats, as if he had slept like that all the way. Didn’t Youngmin take the same car ? No. He did. Donghyun could clearly remember Youngmin stepping in the car and how hard he had tried to ignore the older boy. He had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes later, and he didn’t remember anything after that. So what ? Did Youngmin make him lie down like he usually does ?

Donghyun got out of the car and noticed that the kitchen’s lights in their dorm were on. He waited for them to be turned off so that he could go up without having to meet Youngmin.  
Donghyun met his friend Daehwi while going up, getting an anxious looks from him.

"What are you doing here Daehwi ?"

"Going to japan for a photoshoot, you ?"

"We just got home from an mv filming and photoshoot"

"But Where’s Youngmin ? Did something happen to him ?"

"He went up already"

"Oh, so why are you here ? You’re with him like all the time. Did something happen between you two ?"

"He was just tired and rushed up to our room, I guess"

Daehwi nodded. He clearly wasn’t buying Donghyun’s lie and he’d probably text him later to know what was wrong. And Donghyun would tell him because Daehwi had always been there for him, he had always been there to cheer Donghyun up when Youngmin was away to meet his parents, or whenever he had his own schedule. He didn’t know why he didn’t tell him right now, why he didn’t just let the words come out his mouth. He didn’t really know what was wrong with Youngmin althought he wanted to.

Donghyun hugged Daehwi before leaving and discreetly enterring the appartment. It was four in the morning, Donghyun was tired as fuck and didn’t think clearly. He took his shoes off, removed his make up and went straight to bed.

He lied there, staring at Youngmin sleeping for about an hour aven thought he felt like he was going to collapse.

" _What did I do ?"_

_"Did I say or do something that upset him ?"_

-

Youngmin wasn’t there the following morning. Nothing was planned today, so they could do whatever they wanted to. They usually went to café to work on their songs, and then they would just walk around before going to the studio to work on the songs again.

But Youngmin wasn’t there this morning.

He had prepared some food for Donghyun, but he didn’t leave any notes. Donghyun checked his phone. Nothing.

_Where is he ?_

Donghyun immediately went to ask Woojin. Woojin appeared at the door looking like he just woke up. His hair was messy and some dried drool was still on the corner of his lips.

"What now Donghyun ?"

"Do you know where Youngmin is ? He left without telling me anything"

"I don’t know. I heard someone leaving early this morning, maybe eight or something"

" Okay thanks"

Donghyun left in a rush. He called Youngmin about a dozen times, yet he never answered.

"He needs space, after all"

-

_Youngmin pov_

Eight o’clock. Donghyun’s deep asleep. Time to leave for a morning jog’. Youngmin usually never goes jogging, but he feels like he needs it, he needs to run all he can, he needs to think. Donghyun should wake up in about two or three hours, so Youngmin makes some food before leaving, in case the kid is hungry. He doesn’t leave any note, he doesn’t text Donghyun, he needs time alone.

He decides to go jog near the Han river so that he can get some fresh air at the same time.  
Youngmin usually hates to run, he always feels like he’s out of breath and his ankles always hurt a lot. But today Youngmin doesn’t feel anything, he’s too caught up with his thoughts.

"It’s only been half a day but I miss him" he thought.

Youngmin stops and sits down on a bench. He watches the river flow by, wondering if Donghyun’s still sleeping. It’s almost eleven o’clock, he should be awake. Youngmin checks his phone.

_12 missed calls from DongDong_

"Seems like he’s worrying about you"

Youngmin jumped.

"You frightened me !"

"A ”hello my dear Sewoon, I’ve missed you” would’ve been better"

"Well, you shouldn’t have scared me like that then"

Sewoon had been a good friend of his since produce 101. They met during the show, becoming friends almost immediately. Sewoon was more mature than his age. Not only he looked physically older, but he also was very serious and clever. He had always been by Youngmin’s side, treating him as a brother.

"So what’s up with Dongie ?"

Youngmin decided to tell Sewoon everything from the beggining. He told him about the producer’s question, his reaction and how he immediately started thinking about it. He told him what happenned and what he did yesterday. Ending with talking about how he felt about Donghyun.

"He’s always there for me, you know ? Like 24/7. He never fails to make me laugh with his lame jokes. He’s always laughing about dumb things, he always talks shit and makes fun of me. But he’s also very caring. Just look at those calls. I didn’t tell him where I went this morning. I din’t text him, didn’t leave him a note. And he’s probably worried as fuck because I never leave like that. I’m usually always there when he wakes up, by his side. I made some food for him, because I still need this kid to be healthy. And you know how cute he can be ? Yesterday morning he took the plate out of my hands so that I wouldn’t do everything alone. He always does a lot to help me.  
I didn’t notice it before but I feel butterflies whenever I see him arrive in the morning, his face all puffy and blaoted, or when he just changed and looks so good in his new outfit, or when he arrives in his concept-photo outfit. Just, whenever. He always looks so adorable and at the same time handsome to me."

Youngmin took a while before finally saying the words that were on his mind.

"I think I _love_ him."

Sewoon took only a second to reply.

"Well yes, Youngmin. I think you love him too. From the way you talk about him, I can tell you that you’re pretty in love with him"

Youngmin stared at the river for a while.

"But does he love me back ? He’s close to me, but he’s the kind of guy that’s close to a lot of people because he’s friendly and isn’t shy at all"

Sewoon laughed.

"Are you kidding me ? Donghyun can’t hide his feelings. Are you telling me you didn’t notice ?"

"What ?"

"He loves you and cares about you so much Youngmin. He told me once that you were the most important person to him. Have you never noticed the way he looks at you ? He could kill anyone that hurt you and would do anything for his hyungto be happy. Trust me, you better tell him  
before he think’s you don’t care at all. You’ve got nothing to loose"

"Thank you Sewoon"

Youngmin ran the fastest he could to get home.

-

_Donghyun pov_

Youngmin came back all sweaty, as if he had runned miles to get here the fastest as possible.  
  
_"Was I fucking worried when all he did was jogging ?"_

"Donghyun."

Donghyun didn’t answer. He was doing his best to look like he wasn’t worried sick during all this time, he was acting indifferent, as if he didn’t miss being close to him.

" After all, he wanted it" he thought.

He didn’t look at Youngmin at all. He just left the dorm, feeling Youngmin’s eyes staring at his back.

"Why isn’t he coming to get me ?"

_But why did he want Youngmin to come get him ?_

-

Several days had passed. Donghyun was staying at Daewhi’s, who had come back from Japan, and Woojin’s place. Youngmin had called him thousand of times, he never answered but he at least texted him to tell him where he was. Youngmin came, but fortunately, his friend shut him out and told him to reflect over his acts. Donghyun felt like he was extremely far away even if he was in reality in the flat just beside.

-

Donghyun needed some fresh air. He had locked himself up at Daehwi’s place and worked on songs he sent to Youngmin and their producers, he also went to practice when he knew Youngmin wouldn’t be there. He decided to go out to grab some snacks at the 7eleven near their dorms.

The rain was pouring, making the empty streets look gloomy and dangerous. He didn’t bring any rain jackets, but he figured it would be okay if he didn’t spend too much time outside.

As he was walking in the gloomy streets, Donghyun suddenly thought about what the producer had said the other day. How close Youngmin and him were.

 _He missed it. He missed his Youngmin_.

He felt empty. His stomach suddenly dropped. He was walking down the empty street when his knees also abandoned him. Tears rolled down his cheeks, later followed by the pouring rain.  
He couldn’t stand up, he felt so weak, so empty that his muscles didn’t respond anymore. His body was shaken by the sobs.

He _needed_ Youngmin.

He _loved_ Youngmin.

-

A tall figure appeared over him, holding an umbrella and putting a parka over his wet clothes.

 _Yougmin_.

_How did he know ? What was he doing here ?_

"How did you know ?"

"I followed you. I saw you go out under this storm with only a sweater. Are you fucking crazy ? You’re gonna catch a cold. Hurry back home. And by home I mean our home. Not Daehwi and Woojin’s."

-

_Youngmin pov_

Youngmin had now squat down near Donghyun. He was holding the umbrella the best he could so that it would protect Donghyun from the pouring rain. He didn’t care if he himself wasn’t under the umbrella as long as Donghyun didn’t get wet. He would catch a cold instead of his dongsaeng, it didn’t matter to him.

"Are we gonna keep being like this and ignore each other ? You know all this does is hurt us, Donghyun"

He suddenly dropped the umbrella. Donghyun had cupped his face between his hands, softly kissing him. Donhhyun’s cold lips had instantly warmed up at the contact. They were soft and as plumped as they looked. The taste of his salty tears was still on them. Youngmin wasn’t an expert in kissing, all he knew was that he should place his hand somewhere instead of just letting them hang down. He placed his right hand on Donghyun’s neck and let the other one draw circle on Donghyun’s back.

Youngmin had missed the physical contact with Donghyun. He never would have thought that the younger would be the one making the step.

_He never knew Donghyun liked him back._

-

_Donghyun pov_

Kissing Youngmin was the best thing he had ever done. His plump yet small soft lips were fitting perfectly with his thicker lips. The warmth spread through his whole body, making him forget how wet from the rain he was.

When the separated, Youngmin was crying. Donghyun suddenly panicked.

"What is it, hyung ? Did I do something wrong ? Did I hurt you ?"

Youngmin shook his head, smiling with the sweetest and the most genuine smile.  
Donghyun smiled back.

"I’m sorry I didn’t notice before Hyung"

_"I should have guessed you liked me back before"_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo what did y’all think ? I’d be happy to have some advices and critics.  
> Thank you for reading!!!


End file.
